Lord of the Rings: Things not seen or read!
by TCWatson
Summary: A sick opinion of what would have happened if someone as sick as me wrote lord of the rings.
1. The Riders of Rohan

Riders of Rohan  
  
  
The riders of Rohan were not banished because of Grima. Oh no let me tell you what really happend.Those of you who dare may enter part of my mind. I warn you now it is a dark and freaky place. Turn Back Now.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
" Theodwyn, is slowly dying, and all you can think of is satisfying your dirty pleasures Grima. Your sick. I will not ever give you pleasure While the king is dying, but maybe after. And only than." Eomer said slamming Grima into the wall bringing his face close to Grima's.  
" You see boy, I am a Grima the greatm well maybe not the great, but still Grima. I can bend your king to my will. He shall banish you if you do not pleasure me. So ha ha. Now what," Grima said giving Emoer an evil s from behind his long black hair.  
  
" Grima, your sick, I have corrupted the sexiest of all the men in this place. Now noone will statisfy you now," He said slightly kissing Grima on the cheek.  
" Damn! Damn you Emoer I thought I could only have one. Ahh I hate you.. BASTARD," He turned to the near dead king," Oh great king, what is your will with this littel theif of pleasure? Banish him?"  
  
Th kings hand moved from the thrown with a nod," Do as you wish."  
  
" Than it is Done Emoer. I hear by banish you , and your sexy, hunky adorbable men. Go now before I tie you down."   
  
  
Emoer stormed out of the castle and met his MERRY MERRY men. " Men, since I refused to give you to Grima to ful-fil his dreams of SEXUAL ECSTACEY , we have been banished from Rohan. Lets us go now so we can have some cordial sex in the Fangron Forest, where we might see some major WOOD," Emoer said looking up to Grima from the bottom of the stairs.   
  
Two of the men stopped kissin and ran over to Emoer. They help him tight. May we be your slaves. We will kiss you, kiss each other, but not go into the Fangron Forest. There is wood there that is bigger than mine, I wish not to get jealous," one of the men said.  
  
" Fine we will ride till sunset than, we shall have us some Orc Flesh. I mean some meaty flesh from some kind of animal we hunt," Emoer said while the two men gazed up at him. " You two shall ride naked with me on mu horse till sunset, and may we hit every hump, bump on the way. 


	2. Gand

Gandalf & Saruman:  
Old lovers or just horny white bearded dudes with staffs? Have you ever wonder why Saruman went to the " Dark Side ". Probably because of the following reason,  
  
  
  
"Saruman, I cannot stay here with you. This place seems to draw much evil to itself. I love love lots, but my staff points to the halflings. I must go there and do some important business, I will return." We all know what happened after that. The whole incident with the dragon. After all that he returned back to Saruman's arms. They embraced for a few minutes. They swore never to separate, but Gandalf had to leave once again for the Shire, it was Bilbo's 113th birthday. But during the long way away from Saruman, he grew angry at the Shire, angry at Gandalf for leaving him for those little halflings. Saruman knew deep in his heart that Bilbo and Gandalf had some affair, but he thought it would pass in time. Though each time they had sex he would notice that he was grunting and panting fast, and hard enough as usual. One time Saruman asked," Gandalf, why are thee so....so...so...no so panty-ful?"  
  
Gandalf's reply was delayed," I am used to it, I guess." That satisfied Saruman enough, but he knew that was a lie. Anyway back to the Shire...  
  
We've all seen the movie, read the book, or heard from a friend about what happens next, Bilbo uses the ring, gives to Frodo. Frodo hides it till Gandlaf returns from his " Epic Journey " . Tell Frodo and Sam Meet and Prancing pony. Rides to Isengard,and is taken hostage by Saruman. What happens during those days where Gandalf was lost?  
  
" Sar. Why have you done this, we could have been lovers forever and ever."  
  
" Gandalf show me how much you love me, and I will show you something."  
  
" Fine, meet me on the tower in 15 minutes I want to slip into something a little more comfortable." Gandalf left Saruman alone to do his thing. And gandlaf went into the back room(s).   
LATER  
  
" Gandy, you look so sexy in that out-fit of yours." Saruman said, looking at Gandalf in his Rainbow colord thong, and bikini top. Gandalf didn't have one beard but two. One on his chiney chin chin, and one where there shouldn't be. On his chest.... What were you thinking? Gandalf slowly approached Saruman, and laid down with his rear hanging in the air. Saruman took full advantage of this and thrusted a few times working those old joints. Gandalf let out faint cry at first and than laid there letrting things go. Saruman was beggining to get a bit worried that Gandalf had other people, or halflings on his mind. " Gandy, my love, you haven't seem to be giveing the same response you usually give. Why's that?"  
  
" I guess I have othering things on my mind."   
  
" It's those filthy hobbits." Saruman pulled away quickly hiding down back behind his cloak again. " I knew they were trouble. That is why the 9 have left and will find the ring, and kill the one who carries it. I will have you as mine, and mine alone. Now I am gonna leave alone here till ya think about what you did."   
  
We all know what happens now, with the bird and moth, blah blah blah. Most I go on? No good! Read the next chapter for something completly out of this world. 


	3. Hobbit Love

Sam, Frodo,and Sm'eagol  
What an odd couple. I am sorry but even Hobbits have to enjoy themselves sometimes. Even if they are do have a ring of power. It has to be good for something.  
  
While traveling Sam,Frodo, and Sm'eagol where all settled in one night after traveling through the Marshes. Annoyed by the whole Journey Gollum sat on a stone looking out into the night moaning and groaning while he beat off letting it get everywhere, some even managed to hit master Baggins in the face.   
  
"Oh Sm'eagol sorry for what he has done," Sm'eagol said with his eyes wide.  
  
" No you're not, you like what you have done," Gollum said.  
  
Frodo awoke and began listening. " We kill the master. Yessssss. Take the precioussss for ourselves, HE no get it. Not if we can help it.''  
  
" Sm'eagol , what are you doing?" Frodo asked.  
  
Gollum quickly spun around putting his hand across his loin-cloth "Oh nothing master. Master should rest. Long walk tommarow."  
  
" Sm'eagol , come here, lay between me and Sam. You'll stay warmer, I guarantee it," Frodo said with a sadistic smile.Sam sat up and nodded and pointed to the ground.  
  
" OK master, if that is what you want, we will come and sleep." Gollum crawled over in between the two hobbits. and closed his eyes. He felt something move across his back, he twitched and looked at Frodo.  
  
Frodo smiled and said ,It is OK this won't hurt. I'll make it fast." Frodo reached back under his blanket and reached into his pants and pulled it out. It was short and hard. He put it on Gollums back, and slowly moved it down. Frodo pulled him closer and closer until Gollums eyes lit up with pain. Frodo quickly grabbed his mouth and Sam tied him down and gagged him. They both bruitly gang raped him Four hours the two hobbits weaved themselves in and out of the creature. Blood splattered out on the hobbits, Gollum moaned tried to scream, the attempt failed. The hobbits began to take turns at the Hobbit. By morning the hobbits where in a cave five feet away from where the sexual prey of the two hobbits lay motionless. The hobbits lay on each other feeling one another. Than gollum moved and groaned. The two hairy hobbits stood over him once again.  
  
  
  
  
" Ready for some more?" Frodo asked," Sam I am gonna use the ring on my ...my... oh my god screw it! MY DICK. see if it helps make it larger," Frodo slipped the ring from his chain and unto his incredibly small cock. It grew a larger than Sam himself. " Like Sam? It took me a while to understand the true power of the ring," Frodo said while the rest of him disapperared, all that was left was his mid- section. He shook his boys around and laughed,"this is gonna be fun."  
  
" I get the back this time Frodo," Sam demanded.  
  
" No NO nO!!!! We're sorry for what we have done. No more hurt Sm'eagol." he pleaded, but the hobbits did not respond. They attacked him again, this time harder than before. While Sam and Frodo where inserting there objects into Gollum above where Gollum could not see they were embraced by mouth and arm. They loved the feeling of being in control. 


End file.
